This is a really touchy subject and I have seen it go very wrong with two of my girlfriends.
It is hard to be with a guy for a while and he is still not saying whether or not you are the one he wants to commit to and get married to.
You two have been together, what...maybe two or more years. You are feeling like by now he should know whether or not he wants to settle down with you.
And you know what? You are right.
I have asked guys myself, how long does it take you guys to know whether or not you want to be with a woman long term or not? They all said "definitely within a year".
You know what else they all said " You know and you know pretty early".
So yes, him saying that he is not sure or that he is not ready really only means that he is not sure about settling down with you or that he is not quite ready to settle down with you!
So your gut instinct was right, now where do you go from here?
Should you give him an ultimatum to marry you?
You are only thinking about giving him an ultimatum, which really is another way of saying threatening him, because you want to force his hand. Does he or does he not want to marry you?
You are tired of waiting and you want an answer now. You are actually hoping that by threatening him, you'll get what you desperately want, which is for him to drop down on one knee and propose to you, right?
Not so fast....
Here is why you probably won't get what you want:
1. Men absolutely HATE to be pressured into doing anything at all. At every step in your relationship, you have to make it his idea, even the little things.
So imagine how he would feel you pressuring him into marrying you when he has already said things like "I'm not ready", "I'm not sure". These are lukewarm responses but they already clue you in to what he is thinking. So you threatening him to marry you is like driving a nail into the coffin.
If he wasn't sure before is he wanted to marry you, you better believe he's sure that he does NOT want to now because you backed him into a corner.
2. By threatening to walk if you he doesn't marry you - especially if that is exactly how you say it during the conversation - makes it seem as though you are desperate to get married, and not necessarily to him.
It sounds as though you are throwing a tantrum because you cannot get what you want and that in itself is a turn-off because however you spin it, it seems like you are desperate to get the ring. And desperation is never attractive to men. That's another nail in your coffin.
3. If you are not ready to hear the truth from this man whatever it may be, or deal with any outcome, you cannot give him an ultimatum to marry you.
Let me explain. Suppose you say something like, you have two weeks to make up your mind and then I'm leaving. If he is still unsure at the end of two weeks, you better be ready to walk.
You cannot go back on your threat and then throw a tantrum because he says he is still unsure and clearly is making no moves to make you his wife.
Do you know why?
Because by doing that you have just told him that he can string you along for however long he wants because you are not serious. You have also told him that he can toy with your emotions and play with you because no matter what he does, you are not leaving him. You just need to do that once or twice and that's it, you'll never get the ring.
What's worse and I have seen this happen, he'll leave you and look for someone else who he cannot manipulate and control - and then marry her!
So the bottom line is that you only give an ultimatum if you are ready to hear the truth and are willing to act on it, whatever the response may be.
Here is a MUCH better way of getting him to pop the question WITHOUT using threats and dangerous ultimatums!
Click here to watch this video to hear how one man explains how his wife got him to propose!
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